Ancestral Disease

 There is a rule on the first page of the constitution of basketball players. No matter how new, bad, or tired you are, the moment someone watches, or a car passes by the court, you morph into a Prime Kobe Bryant and start playing like there is no tomorrow.  

But this pressure to impress isn’t limited to basketball players.

Have you ever felt that you are in a reality show? Everybody is watching you, and might even “vote you out” of your own show? That is how I’ve been living life, at least for the past 2 years or so.

This stereotype has been instilled in me mainly through memes such as the below one, which after seeing I jumped to the conclusion that I was constantly being watched.

While the memes do carry a valid point, this mindset was successful in making my life pointless.

I started living someone else’s life, instead of my own, on various levels. Every time I felt uninspired, or bored, like many other people of my age, I’d just click on YouTube and binge. And I did the same not too long ago. I was crazy bored, so I clicked on YouTube. My beautiful recommendations unfolded in front of me, featuring everything from Basketball highlights, analytics, memes, clips from famous sitcoms, guides on investing (which I haven’t yet begun), IIT/JEE material, CBSE Board Exams material, and basically everything else you can imagine. But despite having such a broad range of topics to choose from, I was unable to decide what to watch.

Obviously, I won’t watch anything study-related, because who studies during the summer vacation, right?
I won’t watch the clips from any movies or serials, because who am I? A lonely grandma?
Memes are, well duh, for people who haven’t figured out life.
And if I once again watch something basketball-related, my parents will fly me to the USA, dump me on one of the public courts, and fly back home.

The point I am trying to make is that nothing interests me anymore. Well, the basketball part is plain fear, not an interest issue.  But why do the rest not interest me? Probably because they do not interest those around me.

So basically, I stopped watching a certain thing although it might be entertaining to me, just because I may be perceived as a lonely grandma…

Although this is just a small incident, it might apply to larger regions of my life. For instance, AS I TYPE THIS SENTENCE, I’m thinking about how my family and friends will view me for publishing this.

Really dawg? Since when did you care about others’ opinions? Apparently, my whole life.

We are social animals. Social validation is a must. But to the degree that you lose your whole identity? Hell no.

This is not some guide; I have no definite solution to this ancestral disease. But for a fact, I know it persists to this moment, and I’ll see what I can do about it.